Week 14

Well, what can you say about this world we live in? It's a kinda nutty place. You start off with "things are never quite as you'd expect them" and then when anything happens at all you make up excuses. It's like, jeez, nobody's defending binging and purging, and nobody's saying TV isn't a boob-tube, but do we really want to lay a culture run amok of body image fixation on the advertising industry?

The fact is that chips are good. Oh, they're real good. Wavy, thin, whatever. They good. If it weren't for nachos, how many of us (English Speakers) would just intuitively sense that two L's equal the Yah sound? Zero is the answer. So give it up for whoever invented the savory snack.

But I wanted the body of a bronze god (with perhaps a palm frond substituting the fig leaf, you know, for modesty's sake)! You can't really have the cake and eat it, too, can you?

What's the point of all this? Well, they say in the expectant father guide that these are the days when you have to be sensitive to body image around the house. It might become a trick subject.

Two things here: 1) as a chubby kid, I'm well aware of the phenomenon, and 2) where on Earth would you have to have been hidden away for that revelation to live up to it's billing as a 'tip'? It's like, here's another tip for you: put on your parachute before you jump from the plane.

Really, We've all seen Oprah on that up-n-down elevator for twenty years now. We get it. Body image super-self-conciousness is pervasive. Words like 'waif' and 'cocaine diet' have been replaced with 'bathing suit body' on the cover of all the magazines. Just last weekend we saw Jessica Simpson on the cover of People with the story's headline bearing her confession that she's sick of people saying she's fat. Jessica Simpson! She looks like a Barbie. What is going on?

OK, the point is, I'm getting to the point. At week fourteen, we've finally got a bump in the belly. By 'we' I mean Kasha... I've always had a belly! And this is also the week when fetal development has progressed to the point where the baby will make the first attempts at storing fat. So play around with the formula. Pregnancy equals a belly, it's expected, but you tip toe, and there're excuses to be made.

For one thing, we're still talking about a person who has gained exactly 4 lbs. And really, we're talking about (basically) 2 people averaging, what 53 lbs apiece? Plus, you're supposed to be chowing down (in the neighborhood of) 3,000 Calories as an expectant mother. Add to that the fact the baby is (get this) actually trying to put on the fat!

And then you blame TV!