Ooooh, man! The Pickle! I have honestly never been as excited about anything in my entire life than I am about the doggone pickle. I'm just keeping it real. Now, there's no doubt I was super excited that one time I saw "Macho Man" Randy Savage and the beautiful Miss Elizabeth walking through Detroit Metro Airport. There might even have been a minor tinkling over that episode. The man had technicolor sh*t-kickers on and he was so completely covered in muscles that the entire terminal began to smell like pastrami.
But that was happenstance. Just blind luck, really.
Sure, I have experienced extreme symptoms of anticipatory excitement, too (like when we collected enough cereal box-tops to mail in for the Star Wars Emperor figurine) but the pickle leaves all these other instances in the dust.
FYI- the dust given off by Randy Savage is exactly like the dust in the bottom of a bag of Funyuns. Not a bad dust to be left in!
Flat out, I think about the pickle, I get very excited. The same can, of course, be said of Kasha. That's seems fairly straightforward. What surprises me is that people all over the world are starting to catch Pickle Fever as well.
That episode where Kattie's entire plane got deloused by SWAT doctors in radiation suits- that wasn't about Swine Flu... they were trying to halt the spread of Pickle Mania.
It's hard to tell exactly who has been exposed. One of the main symptoms is an eerie, knowing stare that all those with advanced stages of Pickle Mania display. You may not even notice it, but be advised. This manic excitement spreads more easily than creamy Jif!
And once it has set its vinegar-y hooks into you there's no going back. It's all you'll be able to think about day and night!
You'll find yourself thinking about the pickle at work...
It'll creep into your political philosophy...
Um, you'll think about it when you're just hanging out with your best friend, who might happen to be a horse.
Why bristle from it? It's not like avoiding the rain ever actually prevented the spread of the common cold. And look at this guy-
He doesn't appear to be suffering, now does he?
And in some cases, not all cases, but some of the time... extreme, prolonged exposure to pickle mania has been alleged to completely transform you into a Pickle Pimp.
I wanna catch what this dude has! All day long.
According to my Aunt Margaret, Pickle Mania is already rampant in Dallas, TX. What are you waiting for? Catch the Fever today!
NOTES-
1) In all seriousness, consult with your doctor if you have any nasty crap going on with yourself. I had the stomach flu last week and convinced myself it was just excitement. I was going to see a magic act and spent the entire time in the toilet making onion rings reappear. God, I wish they'd been conjured from thin air or pulled from a top hat! In explicit terms, Pickle Fever only causes nausea in Kasha... and thankfully, those symptoms are long gone.
2) DON'T go using Pickle Mania as an excuse to be a gauche. This goes double for all you pervs out there with your minds in the gutter!
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